I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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