So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
