Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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