Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
