hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
