dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
