how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
