Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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