Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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