The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
