Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
