Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
