drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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