"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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