Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
