Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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