I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
