question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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