why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
