I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
