the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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