I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
