well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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