Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
