Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
