the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
