btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
