Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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