in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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