Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
