Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
