One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.