K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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