I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
farters have to be the big spoon...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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