Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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