I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
