It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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