I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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