why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
soo... how was my night?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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