Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
