Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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