so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
