and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
