Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
