he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
