I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
