Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
