im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize