you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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