why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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