R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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