Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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