The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
