I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
