C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
