Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
