I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The beer is more important than you right now.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
