I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
