Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
