Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
