My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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