That's when you crack a 10am beer
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
