Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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