The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
