respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
