I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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