Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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