i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
