I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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