What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
