I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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