So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
