I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
