I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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