So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
