I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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